Childbirth

"Dave Barry's account of childbirth. If you haven't read it, you should:
http://www.epilio.com/jokes.nsf/ed2ca744640a679c802560e6006f016b/63b3b52ed304255d8025600d004dbce1?OpenDocument

Here are two snippets that might give you a chuckle:

'Let's take a quick look at the history of baby-having. For thousands of years, only women had babies. Primitive women would go off into primitive huts and groan and wail and sweat while other women hovered around. The primitive men stayed outside doing manly things, such as lifting heavy objects and spitting.

When the baby was born, the women would clean it up as best they could and show it to the men who would spit appreciatively and head off to the forest to throw sharp sticks at small animals. If you had suggested to primitive men that they should actually watch women have babies, they would have laughed at you and probably tortured you for three or four days. They were real men.'
...
'Our childbirth-class instructor was very big on the uterus because that's where babies generally spend their time before birth. She also spent some time on the ovum, which is near the ovaries. What happens is that the ovum hangs around reading novels and eating chocolates until along comes this big crowd of spermatozoa, which are tiny, very stupid one-celled organisms. They're looking for the ovum, but most of them wouldn't know it if they fell over it. They swim around for days, trying to mate with the pancreas and whatever other organs they bump into. But eventually one stumbles into the ovum, and the happy couple parades down the fallopian tubes to the uterus. In the uterus, the Miracle of Life begins, unless you believe the Miracle of Life does not begin there, and if you think I'm going to get into that, you're crazy. Anyway, the ovum starts growing rapidly and dividing into lots of little specialized parts, not unlike the federal government. Within six weeks, it has developed all organs it needs to drool; by 10 weeks, it has the ability to cry in restaurants. In childbirth class, they showed us these pictures of a fetus developing inside a uterus. They didn't tell us how the pictures were taken, but I suspect it involved a great deal of drinking.' " -Courtesy of RA