Grandmother (ahbu)

 Grandmother was diagnosed with GI cancer (small intestine) around 2020. At that time I wanted to go visit her, but because it was covid, relatives convinced me not to. Thankfully i didnt because my mom went back and was quarantined for 3 weeks and required multiple covid tests a day (the kind where they tickle your brain, it seems). 

Now its been 5 years and her cancer is worse. She couldn't eat anything and was vomiting so much. Her cancer has grown more and likely blocked her Gi track. She's undergoing chemo, but even thats not enough. Today parents said they are transferring her to another hospital to put in a palliative stent. And hopefully it will stabilize her, help with her pain and vomiting, and give her a little more time. 

I feel so guilty. So guilty I haven't visited her since she had cancer. That the kids will probably never get to see their great grandmother even though they had the opportunity.  I always reasoned that the kids are young and its too hard to visit her.  But in reality, maybe I was being too selfish and putting my comfort first instead of relationship with grandma. My grandmother has really sacrificed so much. She was the one who took care of my mom when grandpa was always away on work, and she took care of me for 4 years when my parents went to the US. And then she took care of my brother when he was growing up for some 4 years. And then later when my grandfather was dying, he decided to give all his inheritance to his distant nephew instead of his own wife. And through all these years, I never hear her complaining. She quietly cares for everyone and takes it all. She deserves to be recognized and loved and be surrounded by all her loved ones. 

I pray thay God will give me a chance to see her, and that it's not too late. I pray the stent procedure will go smoothly and my kids will get a chance to see their great grandmother. I pray that she will see God through all this hardship and God will reveal himself to her. And pray for her comfort during these last months. God, give her mercy. And forgive me for being a negligent granddaughter. 

Dear Grandmother,

Thank you for taking care of so many generations—Mom, me, and my little brother. You have always been there for us, quietly carrying so much without ever complaining about the difficulties.

Thank you for your steady love, your kindness, and the countless sacrifices you made so we could grow up feeling safe and cared for. We are who we are because of you.

With all my love and gratitude.

亲爱的外婆：

感谢您养育了我们几代人——妈妈、我和弟弟。您一直默默地守护着我们，承担着那么多，却从不抱怨任何辛苦。

感谢您始终如一的爱、您的善良，以及您为了让我们在一个充满安全感和关爱的环境中成长而做出的无数牺牲。正因为有了您，我们才能成为今天的我们。

谨以此表达我深深的爱与感激。

She passed July 4th, 2026 in the hospital. Ashes buried with my grandpa.