Pregnancy 2.0/Miscarriage 1.0

 4/2/23

Positive pregnancy test! YW videotaped Ab's reaction lol. This time we made sure to do ovulation tests from the get go. Even still, it took 3 months. My period is so irregular, but also I was a little sick the previous months. When the ovulation was positive, we made sure to try for the next 4 days. Tiring, but worth it. No symptoms yet, but keeping expectations low for now since still early. 

Ab's first thoughts: childcare and how to handle 2 young kids. Scheduling time off work and longer term how to care for two (nanny vs daycare). YW: not to get hopes up bc still early.

4/17/23 6w2d

About a week ago, I started having very small amount of spotting. Dark brown spots. I would get it here and there as the week progressed. And then after I had a episode of gastro, the spotting increased. And today, it became dark red blood. I think I kind of knew this morning, as the spotting increased, that I was having a miscarriage.

Before, I had hoped that the small dark spots was just some normal bleeding that people get during pregnancy. But I should have known, cuz this never happened during my first pregnancy. Even though we tried to keep our expectations low, I am still quite disappointed and sad. I suppose I just need to wait it out at this point. 

There were a lot of what ifs that went through my mind. What if I didn't play sports? What if I didn't stress out about Wes and didn't do so many activities? What if I didn't get gastro?... But none of these questions are helpful. All I can do is wait for the 1-2 weeks for my pretend late period to end. 

Thank you God for Baobao. Thank you God for the family that we do have. And I pray that God will give us another child when the time is right. 

4/21/23

Now it's been almost a week since miscarriage started. It's strange because the total blood loss I had seemed to have been less than my typical period. Maybe it'll be more days and smaller amounts each day. I really hate going to the bathroom because then I'm reminded of it. It has helped to think of this as a delayed period. 

Since then, I've talked to a lot of other people and they have all shared their miscarriage stories. Almost everyone I talked to had a miscarriage. It's amazing how little we talk about it, yet how frequent it happens. Wow, even one coworker had a miscarriage at 4 months! ML gave me a really helpful book at how to look at miscarriage in a biblical manner.