Romans challenge

"If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face. Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality" (Romans 12:6-13, MSG).

Science of cookies

How awesome is this? Science and cookies combined! Shows how tweaking different ingredients changes the common chocolate chip cookie:
http://www.handletheheat.com/2013/07/the-ultimate-guide-to-chocolate-chip-cookies.html

PATB #5

Parents are the Best #5:

Dad's first email:
Guess what is 795 for your brother?

Me:

How many push ups he can do!

His SAT score! 

How many pizzas he ate in one day!

How many inches he jumped!

His credit score!

how many books he read in his life time!

Dad's reply:

Sounds like Jeopardy.  Actually #795 is Alex’s locker number in his middle school.  Today is his first day in middle school officially!  He needs to get up early, cook and take bus by himself.  Mom and I thought he will eat microwaveable food, surprisingly he made fried eggs this morning!

He had a tennis try-out today also.  He told us about his first day in the school and was very proud of himself for out-playing his teammate-to-be (you know his confidence face) and 120% sure that he will be no 1 in his team.

Love

Dad

Roger Fed the Man

Wow, a friend shared this - didn't realize how awesome Roger Federer is!

http://mashable.com/2013/08/01/roger-federer-fan-wish/

Thanks LC!

Funny Intern Moment #1

Funny intern moment #1 (from MNZ):

I'm checking up on a patient last night around 2am, and I find her sitting in her wheelchair in the dark.  We chat, and I ask her how she's doing.  Fine she replies.  Ok well are you sleeping ok?  Yes, I'm sleeping real good, doc.  Ok so then why are you sitting up in the middle of the night rather than lying in your bed?  Because I'm going to the bathroom doc.  I look down and realize her wheelchair is actually a commode.  Ooops, haha.  Good times.

Bruges food

Traditional beef stew in beer...yuuuuum

Yi

Tiwai Island

Tiwai means "Big Island," and it's the largest inland island in Sierra Leone.  It's a natural forest reserve, so it's meant for white people, so it's super expensive (relatively - $20/night).  There are these platforms with a roof where they set up tents for you with mattresses in side and there are solar lights at night with running water/bucket showers, so it's pretty cush camping.  

The island itself is surrounded by the Mao River. Here's a funny convo about it:

Guide: "Do you know what Mao means?"

Us: "No..."

Guide: "It means women"

Us: "Why?"

Guide: "Because it is dangerous"

Haha, anyways, the main activities include guided hikes in the forest to look at animals, canoeing/boating, and hanging out on the beach.  Since it's the dry season, the water was super low, and it was really nice to be able to swim from one bank to another or relax on the sand.  I think I have a hard time relaxing because while others were laying down, reading a book, or doing something that requires zero energy, I was jumping from rock to rock and swimming from bank to bank.  

The guided hike was pretty cool.  We saw red colobus monkeys, black and white colobus monkeys, diana monkeys, tracks of duikers and chimpanzees, saw hornbill birds who have the weirdes calls (like a low rumble) heard some kind of hog, and saw glimpses of chimpanzees.  The chimpanzee tracking was a lot of fun - we went off the trail deep into the forest and had to be super quite, although I'm pretty sure any chimp would have heard us from miles away.  It was pretty amazing to be standing there and hear them yell at each other.  It seemed like they were so close, but by the time we moved 100 ft closer, they've already gone 1 km away.  I'm not even sure if I saw any chimpanzees because they were so far away and I just saw some black blobs.  

They served us breakfast and dinner too, so it was a major relaxation trip. 

Dinner - Le15,000

Breakfast - Le10,000 (totally overpriced for what we got).  

Guided tour $4 (Le20,000/person)

Canoe Le10,000/person

Trouble with Transportation

Transportation is such a PAIN IN THE BUTT!

The other day it was such a hassle getting someone referred/transported to another medical center...

The person came in with diabetic ketoacidosis coma, and so we put him on a drip, and i only had 2 blood sugar tests (b/c the dr. didn't give me his test strips before he left).  If it were type 2 diabetes, he'll be ok with some normal saline drip and oral medicine, but then he went into coma again.   He would need insulin if he's type 1 diabetes, and we don't have that.  To add more anxiety, he started getting rigors and high fever, but we don't have blood tests for that. Also the fever messed with his blood sugar, which I couldn't test. Sighs. So I decided he needed to be transferred on Sunday night...

And then it took ALL day on Monday to get him transported to Kenema - 1hr drive.

Since the morning I had said he needed transport, but his relatives took forever to come to help him get transport

and it was his luck that the hospital's only ambulance got totaled last week.  When his relatives finally came, it took FOREVER to get someone with a vehicle who'd be willing to take them.  Then I found out they were waiting for the driver to get some other passengers who want to go to Kenema to decrease the cost. Seriously, this guy is in a coma and rigors and fever of 41C and you want to wait for other passengers??? 

The driver's phone also failed to work, so that significantly slowed down the process b/c the brother had to keep on going down to town to negotiate and find out what's the delay.  Then there was no fuel in Segbwema. In ALL of this town, there was no fuel. Seriously?  So the brother had to go to the next town 7 miles away to get fuel. ...and then the driver said he had to fix the car's tire. Dude, you had the whole day, and you finally decide to do it now? This is what happens in Sierra Leone. There's always something else, some other problem.

They finally got to Kenema at around 9p? 10p?  At least it's a happy ending and the man got treated in time.

Hospitality and Visiting

I thought I was gonna be super lonely, but I've actually been pretty busy trying to visit people.  I don't really quite understand the culture...  It almost seems like it's an honor to the host for you to visit them.  Because I would go visit someone, and then someone else would say, "Hey!  How come you haven't visited me for 2 days? Do you have a new girlfriend???"  And when I visit, they always feed me, and would almost get upset if I don't eat with them.  It's strange.  So I've been pretty much having dinner with people everyday.  And I feel bad for just eating their food, so I've been cooking with them and bringing some supplies/fruit, etc.  But still...it's weird they seem so eager for me to eat with them.  I really hope they're not hoping I will give some huge donation when I leave.  That's the thing with Sierra Leone...it's hard to know if people are truly your friends or if they just want something from you.  But maybe I'm just cynical...maybe the smaller towns aren't like that.  Anyhow, now I have 3 places I visit pretty much now.  One is the under-5 nurse who used to cook for me, but now I just eat with her family when I go.  Another is this hostel of student nurses, and another is one of the smarter 1st year student nurses who speaks English pretty well and is super talkative.  One of the hostel student nurses is a lot older, and she's kind of a pseudo-mom to me now. Haha.  When I get upset, she listens to me complain. Haha.  

Match Day/B-day

When I was just about to find out where I match, my electricity ran out at 5p (1p eastern time), so I had to wait till 7:30p when the electricity went back on.  Those were two of the most anxious hours ever!

Result: Baylor Global Health in Houston!  

I was pretty surprised, and had an ambivalent reaction.  1) Couldn't believe I got into Baylor global health track 2) I was sad I wasn't going to be with KP's family in nice weather Cali and west coast w/my family 3) I wasn't sure how I'd like my new humongous Texan residency class.  4) I wasn't sure I'd like the 1 year abroad anymore because I had kind of a crappy day:

Present I got for my b-day (bad day): 

1) Newborn last night died this morning despite being on ampicillin.  Didn't cry when born, was blue for a long time. 

2) Heart failure patient died because I didn't go see him the day before (I was super sleepy and only looked at his chart, failed to do physical exam on him), so I didn't see that he had gotten more fluid overloaded and needed an increase in lasix or some other heart medicine.  And nobody felt like it was important to tell me that he was getting more swollen or had more difficulty breathing.  Darn it.

3) A lady w/high temperature started having convulsions, also heart went into some sort of arrhythmia/irregular pattern, and she ended up almost dying but got steroid and heart became normal again.  Her family, though, gave up on her, and decided to take her home.  But what was really sad was I hadn't made a strong stand to keep her in the hospital and give a strong enough hope that she would survive.  I didn't realize they were taking her home to prepare for her funeral.  One of the daughters was a nurse, and I thought she had her best interest in mind, but later, a student nurse told me she wanted the mother to die, and had told all the relatives on the phone that her mom had already died.  Sighs....why don't people tell me these things before it's too late????  Now it feels like I sent her off to her death bed.  Ugh.

4) A patient with severely high blood pressure ended up having a stroke 2 days later, I find she's still paralyzed.  Sighs...not a TIA (like a mini/temporary stroke).  And I think I had been distracted/trying to bag mask a kid when they told me she was having stroke-like symptoms...and so I said, ok, aspirin.  And forgot that a white doctor had brought in some thrombolytics a month ago.  Darn it...I need to pay more attention when people come to get me and tell me things.  Darn it.  

So yeah, those were my bad-day presents...

ODE to E

Haha, this totally made my day (Thanks friends for your amazing artistic/creative skills! Lol!):

Oh E, oh E

Every time I think of you
I crave candy

Because I want to eat you?
You're pretty sweet, I guess.
Never sour!
Like those awful Warheads that you strangely like.

Oh E, oh E

Every time I think of you
I want to dance.

Makes me feel like I have termites in my pants.

Thank heavens not!

But mice we had. A dozen mice! They all had names!
In our room, room 301

Oh Roommie, Oh Roommie
Every time I think of you
I laugh and smile.

Life throws its worst and all the while,
you've always been the best kind of friend
to share our lives with till the end [o_O]!

To think how different out lives would be,
if we had not met the one and only E.

For making this adventure brighter, whiter

Yummy-er, funnier

We thank you.

Happy birthday E!

Where There is No Doctor

Also other exciting (totally sarcastic) news:  The doctor left me all alone in this hospital as he went off for a 2 week ultrasound training course, which he told me about....yesterday.  Sighs.  Well, I'm not totally alone, I have pharmacist and charge nurses, and surgical tech.  Apparently, they run things when the doctor is away.  But still....doesn't seem like a good idea.  Especially since he failed to tell me ANYTHING about this.  I just happened to hear this from someone who was VISITING! Seriously??? You work with me and don't tell me jack??? What if I didn't happen to run into this visitor?  I had arranged to work at a peripheral health center so I can see more deliveries, and I would've been gone first thing this morning. Ugh.  I had to call him and ask him about it.  And even still, he said he would be gone 4-5 days.  But it's actually more like 2 weeks.  And he didn't give me any keys to to anything, any instructions, nothing.  Seriously.  Can communication get any worse?  Actually, don't answer that question, I know it can.  

Sighs, didn't mean to spill more frustrations out here.  I'm actually not too angry about it, knowing that sometimes there really is no doctor.  Since a lot of times, the nurses do just admit patients without the doctor anyways.  Ah well, maybe there's a reason I'm stuck here for another 2-3 weeks.  Haha.  

Sleepless night

Convo between friend and I: me: i'm sad

  a patient died :(

 KP: :( :( :(

  i <3 you

 me: i was with her all night (2mo baby)

12:50 AM KP: really? all night???

  oh my....

  <<BIGGGG HUG>>

  :( :( :(

 me: yeah, haven't slept

  and now i have to go round soon

  it was sad....we were bag masking the kid the whole night

 KP: oh yi

12:51 AM me: thanks a lot to the nursing students...even though half of them ran off and the other half were falling asleep

 KP: wow

  did you think the kid had a chance?

 me: i did

12:52 AM KP: sighhh

 me: but there was no petrol for fuel after 11pm

  and things went downhill soon after

 KP: because some of the equipment you were using no longer worked?

12:57 AM <3 <3 <3

 me: but he didn't understand me

  

  so there was no fuel = no oxygen

 KP: :(

12:58 AM oh dear

 me: yeah, it was bad

 KP: :(:(

  how many of the nursing students were with you throughtout the night?

1:00 AM KP: they varried...

  oh, i gotta go

  ttyl!

Termites - A Good Source of Protein

When Mama Ji (my adopted mom) told me she wanted to go catch termites, I had to ask her 3 times to make sure I was listening correctly.  "What? Did you say termites? What do you want to do with them??!"  And she said, "To eat them! They are a good source of protein." - Of course, why didn't I think of that.  

When she asked if I liked termites, my response was, "I don't eat insects."  But I ended up trying one anyways.  Thankfully it was dark, I stuck one in my mouth and chewed and swallowed.  It tasted like those small Chinese dried shrimps - crunchy and salty.  Later I had a better look at it and they were about 1.5cm with legs and everything.  Ewwwwww.  She was going to send me home with a bowl of them.  O_o 

It was fun helping them catch the termites.  Termites are attracted to light, so they were standing under the light, and swatting them with a piece of cloth and then throwing them into this bowl of water.  Once their wings touched water, they couldn't fly anymore.  I didn't even know termites had wings, but google confirmed it.  "Yes, termites do fly at certain stages of their life. They can be seen "swarming" usually in the spring. You can see their wings before they are shed in a later stage ..." (Wiki.answers.com). 

In the village, they don't have fluorescent lights, so they would go to the termite hill, create a hole close to it, and hold a fire over it.  Then they would sing songs to invite the termites out of the hill.  Well, the singing was more of a tradition, it was more the rain that would cause the termites to come out.   

Anyhow, Mama Ji would keep the termites in the water overnight, then dry them out on a pan, and later dry cook them over a fire with some salt.   

There you have it...a good source of protein in case you're ever in need!   

Pictures:

• Cooked termites (dry cooked with salt)
• Catching termites
• Termites can't fly when wings are wet

Popo

Darn it, there's a popo (papaya) tree next to my house, and I've been eyeing the popos there.  There were 2 large ones looking super succulent   I asked some nursing students if it's ready to be plucked, and they said no...then the next day, they were gone!  That happened with the other two medium sized ones on the tree.  Just gone!  So this time, I went and cut off the next largest one that I thought might be ripe b/c it's a little yellow...but now that it's down, i don't think it's gonna ripen for a month. Sighs.  I was too eager and worried that it would get stolen. 

Under 5 Clinic, Electrician

I'm taking a break by not being on the ward and just doing under 5 clinic where all the health kids are. Hahaha.  Although it's kind of discouraging because today there were only 2 kids that showed up!  2!  I think patients just don't have the money for transport to get to the hospital.  It's such a difficult problem.  I can't wait to see what the peripheral health unit is like and hopefully see some deliveries.  

I'm still trying to set up the ultrasound machine - get the electricity connected to the room it's in, but the electrician is being super flaky.  I've asked him 3 weeks ago, and he still hasn't set things up.  In fact, I think he lied to me about there being electricity in the room until I check again this past Sunday.  A big part of it is definitely communication, because his English isn't that great, but another is culture.  People here like to tell you they can do things even if they aren't able to or they don't have the time to or don't want to.  I wish he would just tell me if he's not able to do it, but instead he doesn't tell me.  It's a weird cultural thing that I see with the doctor too...and everyone in Sierra Leone.  I talked to my friends working on Plumpy Nut factory, and they have the same issue before.  Sighs.  Even when I was asking him everyday, he would still delay.  And when the midwife and I got on his back about how he kept on delaying even after taking my money for supplies, he got super defense and angry and wouldn't even talk.  It took me a lot of effort to stay calm, and I only got him to set up a later time to talk to me by asking him to be mature and professional.  Hopefully that will continue to work.  This trip has definitely been a major lesson on how to deal with difficult people.

Truly Needed Prayer

For some reason, lately I've been very irritable, bitter, sad, and angry.  I don't feel like I'm the same person.  I don't know if it's because I'm angry at myself for being inpatient or making poor decisions, or because I'm too frustrated by everything.  But anyhow, my dad sent a really great prayer and reminder that I really need right now:

Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me forget myself so that I may enjoy the happiness of others. Let me always hide my little pains and heartaches so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden or embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow or proud or overbearing. May no one be less good for having come within my influence; no one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble, for having been a fellow traveler with me on our journey towards eternal life. As I meet with one cross after another, let me whisper a word of love to You. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen.

Meanwhile, something else in a book I've been reading that's been making me think:

"You don't need the Holy Spirit.  You don't need the Holy Spirit if you are merely seeking to live a semi-moral life and attend church regularly.  You can find people of all sorts in many religions doing that quite nicely without Him.  You only need the Holy Spirit's guidance and help if you truly want to follow the Way of Jesus Christ.  You only need Him if you desire to "obey everything" He commanded and to teach others to do the same (Matt. 28:18). You only need the Holy Spirit if you have genuinely repented and believe.  And you only need the HOly Spirit if you understand that you are called to share in Christ's suffering and death, as well as His resurrection (Rob. 8:17). Paul demonstrated this when he wrote,

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always begin given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body (2 Cor. 4:7).  

If you truly believe and have turned from the way you were headed and joined a different Way of living, then you desperately need the Holy Spirit.  You know you cannot live this Way without the Spirit in you." - "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan.  

Kid with Dyspnea and More Miscommunication

PIctures:

• Kid with dyspnea and malaria that improved
• Kids all better!
• Grouping and Crossmatching for testing donor for blood transfusion
• Nurse Francis

Shoot. I made the mistake of writing HIV test on one of the person's chart, and the doctor got really angry at me because apparently I'm supposed to write "Counseling by so and so." Apparently if anyone else finds out without the patient's status without his consent, then the hospital gets sued.

I didn't even know they do suing here. Anyhow, the doctor got really angry at me (oh great, in addition to me pissing him off before for asking why he's prescribing steroids for someone with pneumonia, now I make him even more pissed off).

But seriously, how am i supposed to know that you're not supposed to write on the chart? How am I supposed to know the chart isn't confidential? How am I supposed to know the nursing students aren't considered part of the healthcare team so they aren't supposed to know about the HIV test?

I suppose I should have asked beforehand how to do it properly before ordering it.  It's just so confusing b/c the doctor never gave clear guidelines how he wants things done. For example, he would tell me to write plan etc. on the chart, but then as with the HIV test, he wanted me to consult him first. I suppose the "bigger/more scary" tests I should still consult him first before writing on the chart. I suppose it's hard to remember to tell everyone that goes through the hospital about every policy...but still, I don't like the way he blames me for everything.

Well, this is a good lesson to better be safe and ask about things than assume things and be sorry.

What really bothers me is when I tried to explain, he just left the room without listening to my explanation. He is really annoying me. He does that a lot these days. He just leaves while I'm still talking.  It's really quite immature. I'm gonna blame it on miscommunication/language barrier to make me feel better.

I also think he's putting his pride before patient care a couple of times.  We discussed about this one kid having cough for a while (came in with malaria, difficulty breathing), and was really really dyspneic with stridor.  But now he's all happy and playful and plump. But he still has a cough, and so we talked a bit yesterday, and said that if he still had a fever, we would go get a TB test tomorrow. but today I saw kid, still very low grade fever, but his cough improved, and I talked to the lady in charge of TB for kids - apparently they just put them on imperic tb treatment, since kids can't do a sputum test. And talking to her, she thought he didn't need a test....

so then today when I was going over the status of the kids in c-ward, I mentioned he has low grade fever with improved cough, good breath sounds, and I thought maybe the fever was due to teething. I also mentioned talking to sputum lady. But his response was, "Didn't we talk about this yesterday? Why do you want to change things now?"  My thought: It's a new day! With new condition and information!  Is it that bad to confirm that there will be no change in the plan?? :( Well, the plan was to put him on TB treatment, but turns out there is no TB treatment available now at the hospital for kids, so he's actually going to come back later when the treatment is available.  I suppose it all worked out.

I need to get better at listening to my conscience/gut/God/Holy Spirit/divine/something. So many times I would get a feeling to do something, and then I'm afraid I'm wrong, or I'm lazy, or whatever....but then later I'm right or I find I should have done it.

Under-5 Clinic, Resources

Went to under-5 clinic where they just got a new supply of vaccines.  They had ran out a few weeks ago, and didn't have the fuel to pick it up from the overseeing district, Kailahun, so I helped supply some fuel.  So this Friday was focused on giving vaccines.  It was very efficient.  The nurse collected all the health cards, and read of 15 names.  The mothers would carry their baby and put them on their lap as they sat in a row on a bench in a tiny room.  Then the nurse would go across and give two drops of polio OPV in each babies mouth as they made disgusted faces.  Then she would give a penta vaccine (dpt, h flu, heb b) on one leg and pneumococcus vaccine on the other.  Each baby was so happy and unsuspecting, but then undoubtedly, they would start crying.  It was amusing to hear the different kinds of cries.  Then, they would have another row of mothers sit on the opposite side of the bench where there is more light for the nurse to administer the bcg subq.  Very efficient indeed!  

Also have been doing some online global health courses on globalhealthlearning.org.  Pretty helpful website with various topics/certificates. 

Resources I found to be very useful:

• Medscape, epocrates
• Catherine Wolf, M.D., Dennis Palmer, D.O.  Handbook of Medicine in Developing Countries.  

·        Also got a list of medications in the dispensary and emergency cabinet (for when the dispensary is closed – which seems like all the time) and list of laboratory tests available.  Wish I had gotten this the first week.

I ran into a bit of trouble regarding obtaining HIV tests on patients.  Apparently I'm not supposed to write for HIV test on the chart like every other test but that there's a specific procedure that involves writing "counseling by so and so," and then so and so is supposed to go counsel the patient on HIV first, and if the patient agrees to the HIV test, then she will get the test and tell you the result.  It makes sense considering how HIV is still so stigmatized, but I really wish I had known about this during orientation.  (Details later).

Humble pie

Wo, as I go through my email, I came upon a CMDA article that really struck me as I'm struggling to deal with my frustrations here in Sierra Leone:

As a physician, a woman and a Christian committed to serving Christ, I have to ask myself these questions:

• Am I depending on my own strength and knowledge as I go about my practice every day? ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding" [Proverbs 3:5, NIV 1984].) [Oh man, I totally am these days]
  
  
• Do I get impatient or angry at interruptions? (a prideful heart) [Omg, I'm getting impatient and angry all the time these days]
  
  
• Do I criticize my colleagues, in front of staff or in my heart? (more pride) [Sadly, I have been critical and pretty argumentative, definitely prideful]
  
  
• Do I forget whose I am when the day gets stressful and hectic? [Yup. definitely forgetting.  I need to return to what's most important]
  
  
• What have I NOT surrendered to God? [My worries...for sure, my worries.]

The hymn written by Frances Havergal in 1874 about "Take My Life" really describes a surrendered life. It has been a great way for me to search out my heart and take inventory.

• Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise. Do I seek His direction as to how to use my free time? Do I readily respond to opportunities to serve others even if it requires sacrificing "my time?" 
  
  
• Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee. Before I speak, do I ask the Lord what He wants me to say? Do I use my tongue to intentionally edify and encourage others, bringing healing?  [Nope, I've been pretty mean]
  
  
• Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose. Am I wasting my mind on worldly pursuits that have no eternal value? Or do I devote my mental capacity to serving Christ and furthering His kingdom?
  
  
• Take my will and make it Thine. Am I stubborn, demanding or controlling? Is there anything God has shown me to be His will that I have been neglecting or refusing to obey? [Probably!...hm...gotta think about this]

I am praying that this exercise has plowed up the soil in your heart as much as it has in mine, and that the Lord uses this to draw you closer to Himself. Your obedience to Him will bring Him glory and you many rich blessings. Really, in giving some things up, we have everything to gain. As Paul said in Philippians 3:8, "…I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" (ESV). What a thrill!

Anyhow, I really needed a little pick-me-up these days!

Man Cannot Live on Banana Alone

My staple food is banana sandwich, but now I'm getting more variety with feasting and funny conversations with a few of the students (Rebecca and Marian - picture):

• We exchanged holiday traditions.  I tried to explain what we do during Halloween, and I'm not sure if they really understood it.  I also said we had St. Patrick's day, and the student exclaimed, "Oh! We have St. Mary's day where we go to church and have festivities."  And I had to explain how on St. Patrick's day people just drink.  There were two interesting holidays she told me about: 

1. African Children's day: This is when all the kids go march out on the streets and have a festival.  Then they go to different "jobs" - some are lawyers, some are drivers, some are actors, and they get paid a small amount at the end of the day.
2. Bob Marley's day - celebrated on the day he died.  Apparently this is the day when they "drink and smoke marijuana."  

• I made an agreement with another student that I'd teach her how to make chinese/american food, and she'll teach me how to make Salone food.  The other day, we made eggplant and garlic! 
• I tried to explain the concept of chopsticks to her, but I don't think she really understands - I'll have to find two sticks and demonstrate.
• While we were waiting for the food, she wanted me to sing something, so I just sang Doe, a Deer - on hind sight, that wasn't the easily song to explain.
•  

Other random thoughts:  

• Language: There are two languages spoken here: Krio - pidgeon English, which I can understand bits and pieces; and Mende - a completely African language that I've only managed to master "Hello" and "I'm good."  All the students speak Krio and English, but most of the population only speak Mende.  While I usually have a student translate Mende for me, during a brief period, there was only one student who only spoke Krio, so she had to find a random girl outside who speaks Mende.  So I asked questions in English to the student, she said Krio to the random girl, and random girl said Mende to the patient.  It really pretty painful.
• Secret Society: The public health students were sent home because there are secret society events/inaugurations going on right now and it would be dangerous for them to go out to the villages if they don't belong to the society.  From my understanding, they could get killed. O_o

Frustrations

These are the things I found frustrating:

• Trying to get reflexes.  Nobody seems to understand what "relax" means.  I've tried shaking their leg, having many people standing there translating for me, hanging my stethescope and showing them I wanted their leg like that...I really can't seem to get people to relax their leg for a reflex.  The only time I got an accurate reflex was when the person's arm was paralyzed.  
• Trying to get basic things like a plate and a spoon.  I don't have a stove, so I've either had people cook for me, go cook with them, or buy off the street.  And today, the person who brought my food forgot to include a plate and spoon, and I was too lazy to go buy them in town so I ate off the lid with a knife.
• The useless library.  It's only open a few hours of the day, and the rest of the time, the class librarians are supposed to keep the key, but either the students don't know who's the librarian, the librarian's on vacation, or the librarian doesn't even know where the key is.  So when I ask nursing students to go look up something, most of the time, they really can't. :(
• Buying moldy bread: twice I've bought the bread, forgot to check it, and turns out it's kind of moldy.  Darn it!
• My leaky sink: Well, the faucet actually doesn't work, but the drain is leaky too and trickles on my feet, so instead of using the sink, I use another bucket and use that water for my toilet. I'm being eco-friendly!
• The mysterious megabyte drain: I'm pretty sure gchat itself only uses a few megabytes, but for some reason, sometimes many more megabytes would disappear and I have no idea what background programs are doing that. I want my megabytes back!!!
• People walking by me and saying "ching chung" or "he hong": I make it a point to ignore them.
• STUDENT NURSES!
• Don't give scheduled drugs because they forget or don't look at the progress notes or drugs are not in the patient's drug box.  But instead of telling the charge nurse, they just ignore it and sit in the middle table talking to each other. It's especially a problem when the dispensary is closed (after 2p and weekends), and they don't even try to get it from the emergency cupboard.  
• Forget about PRN drugs or don't put the time when it's given
• Leave without giving report to the next nurses
• When I say hourly vitals, they don't do it and just sleep.  Same with urine/stool output and po input recording - I ask for it to be done, I write it down to be done, I emphasize and say many times to have it done, and still no one does it.
• Don't give drugs for a whole day because the nurses forgot to give drugs from the ER box and it took forever to get the drugs from the dispensary.  The nurse who was supposed to get the drug from the dispensary was taking PICTURES of herself in her new uniform.  2.5 hrs later, still no drugs.
• They don't think or ask questions and are so used to just being told what to do or what to memorize.
• People don't care enough. :(
• When I say I need blood transfusion on a kid, they say they will do it tomorrow, but then come the next day, they say there's no money, and when they get money, they say there's no donor...there goes 2 days.
• There is so much chaos initially because nobody is assigned to any patient and they all try to work together on all the patients, so there's no sense of responsibility or patient ownership.  Everything is a little better now that a week has passed and I started to assign student nurses to patients.  
• The charge nurses are frustrating too - some complain of too much work and sometimes even stay at home or go off somewhere to buy fishballs and can't be found.  There are two who I really like though - Sister Francis and Mr. Niru - they are hard working and genuinely care about the kids instead of just exercising their power.
• For the longest time, I didn't even know who the maitron was (person who's head of the nurses/personnel of the hospital) because he's never there.
• There's a perfectly good ultrasound that can't be used because it's stored in a room that has no electricity and it's not allowed to be moved because it's said to be fragile.
• Holidays - there are too many holidays for no good reason and all it does is kill patients because outpatient, dispensary, and lab are all closed and not much can be done.
• Not being able to administer oxygen unless there's electricity - which is every other day from 7pm to 11pm - or OR is running (Tuesday and Thursday for a few hours).

Blessings and Random Connections

I've been very fortunate and blessed to have met some truly nice people.  Whether it was the story of how I ended up in Sierra Leone or how I managed to get to the bus station without getting mugged.  

How I ended up in Sierra Leone:

People keep on asking me how I ended up in Sierra Leone, and I have to refer them to my undergrad days.  How on a whim I took a global health class (D-Lab) focused on developing appropriate technologies like peanut grinders or making charcoal from sugar cane waste.  I had a 50% chance of getting in, and I got in.  We ranked places we wanted to go, and seeing Sierra Leone is still recovering from civil war, I ended up with it.  The trip itself was interesting, but mostly to evaluate SL's compatibility with future D-Lab groups.  When I got to med school, I knew I wanted to go abroad that summer, so immediately I contacted Dr. M to see if he could let me go to Malawi, but sadly, all the places were filled up.  Yet, out of some sheer luck at an elective I was taking, he heard I had gone to SL before, so he asked if I wanted to help out with the new Plumpy Nut (malnutrition therapy) factory in Sierra Leone.  I said, "Yes!" and that was the extent of the conversation and how much (or rather, how little) thought I put into it all.  And now that I've gone there twice, it only made sense that for a 4th year away rotation, I would go there again, especially since I'm going into pediatrics and Sierra Leone has one of the highest childhood mortality rates.  

I was shuttled around a bit though.  Through previous contacts and the MAP Scholarship, I got in contact with the Ashers, who are a couple working as doctors in Kamakwie Hospital.  But after I had already gotten my plane ticket and visa, they told me they were leaving Kamakwie because of conflict with the corrupt Wesleyan church leader (corruption is rampant in SL).  After a month of uncertainty, they finally referred me to Nixon Hospital at Segbwema - and that's how I ended up on the eastern side of the country where I had never been.  

How I didn't get mugged:

What made me think about all this was when this one guy I met at the train station said that I was really blessed to meet all these nice people.  And he was referring to something completely different.  Dr. M and his crew here have been amazingly generous to me.  But the people in Sierra Leone have also been some of the nicest people.  When I was trying to get to the bus station to buy my ticket, people would help me flag down taxis and lead me to the right place from where I got dropped off (taxis only stop at certain places, they are almost like buses, but with fewer ppl).  And when I got to the bus station, which was unfortunately closed already, someone explained when I needed to come tomorrow and waited with me forever to make sure I got on the right bus.  Oh yes, I also accidentally got off the bus at the wrong place, ran to catch up with it, which was possible b/c of the terrible traffic, and had everyone laughing at me after I got on the bus again.  

The next day, I needed to get to the bus station around 5am, which was pitch dark. First another person staying at the compound got up to see if I needed a ride, which I deferred.  When I was waiting for the poda (van bus, see picture), a lady didn't think it was safe and convinced this guy to help me out, who turned out to be some kind of president body guard/security/public representative and he went with me all the way to the bus station, even though he had just come from a club. Haha. Club.  He claimed to have been the youngest soldier in West Africa and he fought in the civil war when he was 13.  Apparently he was super popular because when he showed me where to buy stuff, he couldn't walk a block without someone saying hi to him.  Meanwhile, when I went on this 7 hour bus trip, I almost got left behind because they had stopped, I had gotten out to buy some stuff, and was waiting by the wrong bus. Oops.  But the bus driver found me. :D  Of course, I gave everyone another good laugh.  Someone said I managed to hold up 2 buses because the other bus was confused why I was waiting by it. Double oops.  

I'm Scary

When I stayed with a host family in Bo, there was one little kid who would start crying whenever he saw me.  He must have been about one or two, and he would run to hims mom and hide and keep on crying until I left. He probably thought I was a ghost.  It's so sad, I don't like kids running from me.  I like kids!!  Anyhow, the mom tried to train him to not be afraid of me and actually made me hold him, but poor kid, he was sooooo scared.  He was probably traumatized for life because of me.  I quickly let him go and he promptly ran to hims mom.  Everyone in the village was laughing at this poor kid.  

Fatness

Previously, I had mentioned how people want to be fat, but I didn't realize the extent.  Apparently people purposely take this drug/herb/something to make their butts bigger.  Hahaha, I was warned that if I wanted to get a dress made, it might not look very good on me because of my lack of curves.  Meanwhile, I was told that breasts weren't considered a sexual organ, but only for the purpose of breastfeeding whereas the key attraction is a big bottom.  (In my head, I'm singing, "I …like… big butts, and I cannot lie…") 

Meanwhile, I was amusingly listening to the UK midwives discuss the issue of obesity.  They conceded that obesity was a huge problem in the UK, but they couldn't believe how unashamed Americans were in showing off their bodies on the beach despite oozing out of their bikinis.  One was telling us a story of going on Southwest, and seeing a very large man, and feeling sorry for whomever was going to sit next to him – of course, that person ended up being her.  She continued to describe how unpleasant her trip was because he was taking up 1.5 seats, how the seat was slanted towards him because of the weight, and how she kept on sliding towards him.  At the end of her trip, her whole left side was wet from his perspiration.  And she is just this tiny 5 foot lady.  She claimed that Southwest was putting obese people in the window seats so they would not cause an obstruction in the case of an emergency.  Hahaha, what an interesting theory.

The other midwife mentioned her experience to Disneyland where people were being weighed before getting on rides (I had no idea that was happening!).  And there were people who were so big that they needed strollers – which definitely reminded me of Walle.  Meanwhile, the other midwife complained people should get to take on the airplane a combined amount of weight of their bodies and their luggage – so that lighter passengers should get to take heavier luggage.  Hahaha, it totally makes sense, but I can see all the Americans getting angry about discrimination or something like that.  

Typhoid Girl

The general atmosphere and attitude of the people here towards the sick is so frustrating!  They've come to accept death as part of daily life, so when people do die, sure the mother and female direct relatives might wail, but the rest of the community just goes on living their lives as if nothing happened.  Even at the scene of death, you see these nurses just sauntering about as if there's nothing going on.  It's so frustrating!

And the reason I say that is because I recently found out that the girl we did the paracentesis on and prayed her had passed away - probably on the day I had left for the training!  I was pretty angry and disappointed when I heard that because I had really thought she had a good chance of improving.  At the same time, I knew she was really doing poorly, and I thought she needed a bowel washout and repair and probably a pleural drain for her all the pus that I thought was in her lungs, and I kept on saying all that to the doctor, but he just ignored me.  Well, not exactly ignore, but he would say he's at the outpatient, or I would just not round on her properly in the mornings, or refuse to take her to the OR because it's the night time/afternoon or the weekend, or not a theater day, or there's construction going on in the main OR.  I had even warned him that I'm pretty sure she had pleural fluid and maybe an empyema, and to drain her on Monday because I was leaving, but I doubt he actually did.  Ugh, I had too much a false sense of security after she improved a little symptomatically after the paracentesis - she even passed stool.  I felt so guilty knowing that I could have done something earlier, but didn't push enough to get them done.  I felt guilty leaving for a training session and not finishing caring for her.  Given my lack of clinical experience, I have a hard time knowing when I should push for something to be done or not, especially when other people who are more experienced clinically than me choose not to do it because of their laziness or apathy.  And most of the time, I only know afterwards that it was too late.  

When I had spoken to the UK doctor, he comforted me slightly by saying that a perforated abdomen was a really poor prognosis anyways for typhoid (which I think she had given the gross fluid from the paracentesis), but I still wish I had pushed for the paracentesis/lung drianage/empiric sepsis antibiotics earlier.  

:(

Female Genital Mutilation

While talking to a midwife who had stayed in Makeni for a year teaching midwife students, it was interesting to hear her say that of all the people she took care of, all of them had undergone female genital mutilation (FGM).  I remember seeing a center for FGM awareness when I first came to Sierra Leone, at Lunsar, but I hadn't realized how prevalent it was.  I didn't think that it was something that ALL women upcountry had, but according to this UK midwife volunteer, that seemed to be the case.  It would make sense, considering how high the maternal mortality rate is and how frequently there's obstruction of labor.  But at the same time, the other UK ob/gyn who came infrequently was super surprised about this claim of how frequent FGM occurred, so I was slightly skeptical as well.  But then today, when I was talking to a Nigerian anesthetist volunteer at the course I'm taking, he also brought up how prevalent FGM is.  I didn't understand clearly whether this happened in all the ladies, but it appeared to have caused obstruction in at least 6 ladies since his two months at Bonthe.  It's interesting that despite how prevalent it is, nothing is mentioned about it.

Appearently it took the midwife volunteer six months to get the confidence of the women she worked with (including midwife students) to get them to talk about FGM.  A women talked about how they remembered being dragged into the bush by her "auntie," getting all fours pinned down, and experiencing excrutiating pain.  Then afterwards, they'd get dressed up and given copious amounts of gifts and foods and had a party.  For most girls, it seemed like they had no idea what was going on, and most of what they recall was the party and gifts.  But apparently the FGM ranged from getting a cut and scarring to complete cutting off to stitching.  Apparently the men didn't care much for this practice, but often it was the grannies and old aunties who continued to get their daughters or granddaughters cut.  According to the midwife, the more educated Krio people seemed to be doing this less, but it was still pretty prevalent in the villages.

Essential Obstetric and Newborn Care Course

So I'm currently at an obstetrics/newborn training session for midwives/nurses/physicians.  It's pretty cool, cuz it's put together by the Liverpool school of tropical medicine and the royal college of obs/gyn and WHO.  I think it's a really good program because it's actually improving the skills of people who are dealing with these ob/newborn emergencies.  It's pretty amazing how little people know, and it's also amazing how much people are learning.  I'm supposed to be a participant, but because I was invited last minute, my role is almost kind of in between an observer and a participant.  I'm learning stuff too as well.  Anyhow, I really think these classes could play a huge part in decreasing the maternity death rate (which at one point was 20%).  

Anyhow, another good thing about this course is I got to talk to some people from other hospitals to get an idea of what other hospitals are like.  And I'm surprised to hear that Nixon hospital is actually not that much worse than the other hospitals.  Sure, they may have more staff (3 vs. the 1 at NIxon), but in terms of equipment, most of them don't have oxygen, many don't have the drugs that one might find to be every-day-use drugs in the states, etc.  From the participant's surprise in hearing about doing basic resuscitation with the ABC's (airway, breathing circulation), it sounds like they don't really have much in terms of emergency care/resuscitation either.  Some of the participants also work in peripheral health units, which means they don't even do blood transfusions, c/sections, etc...and they mostly just do basic stabilization (with IV fluid), and then refer to another medical center. I would really like to visit a few of the other centers and see how their organization is.  I hear the Women's Health/Pediatrics Center in Alberdeen (Freetown) is super well-run/organized, so maybe I can arrange a short rotation there.  

Master of the Keys

The hospital does have a generator, but they only use it for the OR on tue, thur, and sat...and mon/wed for a 2 hours to autoclave.  it's pretty sad they don't have electricity when they actually need it for inpatients like for the oxygen machine.  and make patients pay for petrol to run the generator.  the whole idea of health care is so weird.  the other day, a guy came in from a motorcycle accident and he was bleeding a lot from his face, and the nurse said we cant start treatment bc his family isn't here yet and hasn't paid his admission fee, and his type of ppl might just run away from the hospital befoe paying for it like the other girl the other day!  And this is a Methodist hospital!

It's pretty crazy how controlling everyone is of everything. Ok, fine, it makes a little sense b/c there is a lack off resources, so it can't be like the states where med students can go into the supply closet to just take as much as they want to practice or 6 ppl going into a room and putting on contact precaution gowns that cost $5/person everyday, or the copious yet much needed glove usage...I can go on forever.  Anyhow, there is a key for everything, and it seems like I can't get anything done w/o finding the right person with the right key.  

For example, today, there was a baby seizing, and all I wanted was diazepam to stop his seizure, but the pharmacy was closed, so we had to use the emergency stock, but the emergency cupboard was locked, and the nurse in charge who has the key was at home! Really? If you're on service, why are you at home?  But then I found out the men's ward nurse was there, and he fortunately also had a key, but when he went through the cupboard, he couldn't find diazepam.  Really? I had just told the nurse who was in charge of it to restock it EVERY DAY! Oh man, the organization, and everything is so crazy.  Then, another nurse came in, apparently, nobody was around (Saturday), so she came in, but she happened to have wandered off to the under-5 clinic, or maybe she came from there, I'm not sure.  Anyhow, this whole process was NOT helpful for the kid.  At least we finally got his seizure to stop after giving some glucose (also in emergency cupboard) because he mom was giving him water when young babies should only get breast milk.  

The other day when a guy came in with crushed fingers, it took forever to open the OR doors, and get all the supplies we needed to look at his finger, etc.  The main door was locked, and then every door within it was locked too.  Really? Is that really necessary?  And apparently there are just a whole bunch of rolly beds and other equipment sitting in the OR not being used, but just locked up for safe keeping.  Later, after telling me there are no bag mask ventilators, someone found one in the pharmacy/dispensary.  It seems like they're so keen on rationing material that they just don't want to use it during anything.  

OMG, using the ultrasound is such a pain too.  I wanted to scan some ladies with big pelvic masses, and then the doctor says do it when there's electricity - which is every other night.  And so I wait to next night, then he tells me at night the OR (where they keep the ultrasound) doors are locked, and so I can't scan, and I needed to get the key from them during the day.  And because the OR ppl only come every other day, it's another 2 day delay.  Of course, when I want to scan during the day when the OR electricity is available b/c they have a case, the doctor says he's busy with this or that.  Finally, when he sees me doing an ultrasound and I ask if he wants to see it, he says, "I don't know what's normal, what's not" and continues to walk away.  I could do these basic ultrasounds, but I'm not gonna be here forever!  I think he's not comfortable with new equipment/tools, and just avoids them.  

This incessant need for power and control is just ridiculous.  When I asked to use an oxygen machine from the OR over night when they don't have cases, they say no, but then when I say the hospital needs to work together, the guy kind of budged, so maybe people just need to be reminded they are working in a hospital, and not the government?  Well, at least there are some changes - small small.  

Fumbling in the Dark

Today I got some pretty crazy experience again. as usual...trying to deal with a motor vehicle accident with no electricity/light.  Everyone had their phone lights on.  It was pretty crazy.  The guy was the third person on a motorcycle and they had crashed into a truck.  The first two people died instantaneously, but this guy was lucky and fell and hit his head but with no loss of consciousness.  Of course, we're concerned for brain injury, etc., but based on assessment, looks like he just had a large laceration on his forehead and maybe a bruise.  Needless to say, he is really lucky.  But still, trying to assess him and help him when there was no electricity and at 7pm at night was really quite a hassle.  To top it off, surprise surprise, the doctor wasn't reachable by phone at first.  

Also did my first paracentesis on my own.  Initially the doctor wanted me to do it myself, but then I pretty much begged him to watch me do it.  And then I probably aspirated 500ml of dirty, green, pussy fluid from this girl's abdomen with a 10ml syringe.  It was pretty epic...in a unpleasant, I-can't-believe-she-has-this-in-her-belly sort of way.  And then I continued to do another one from this other guy.  Pretty sure the technique was not the safest way ever, but it had to be done.  Also something funny happened then.  While the nurse was watching me, at one point I told her she should pray for the patient.  She asked, "Really? Now?" and I said, "Yes!"  But all she did was get up and walk away.  Then after 5 minutes, a group of maybe 10 people showed up singing a praises and prayers while clapping.  Even the patient joined in!  All the while, I was still sitting there holding the syringe attached to the cannulla in her abdomen.  Haha, that was a nice surprise!

Despite how I'm talking about death all the time these days, my friends were talking about how it's also an opportunity to make the hospital better.  I'm already seeing a few improvements.  I'm really glad the one UK doctor came, so I could talk to him about my frustrations, and he actually has the authority to make things different.  Yay!!  And I've been able to kindly cajole them to make a few changes, like actually have the bag mask ventilators in the wards and not locked up, or to actually use the oxygen machine every once in a while.  Still a hassle to get electricity when I need it.  And the other day, I was definitely switching the oxygen mask between kids because I couldn't decide which kid needed it more.  Sadly, the one that had the oxygen mask still died. :(  Man, I feel bad talking to you guys about these sad things.  I feel like all I talk about is death these days.  So happy thoughts...the one kid where I was holding its head for a large portion of the night looks sooooooo good now!  He is super active and playing and getting discharged!!!  Yay! Praise God!  

Picture Overview of My Week

Warning, last picture is graphic (not for the weak of stomach)! (+ some normal pictures)

I made some friends with the nurses and they taught me how to make fried plantains and onion/fish/maggi sauce.  Mmmmm salt... Apparently I was a weak pounder.  Weak!  

I also semi-adopted a kitten at their place.  It's sooooo cute lying on my lap and just hiding its head! :D

Kid had a pretty bad looking rash, not sure what it is.  Probably Staph?

Very strange ultrasound of a lady who thought she was 8 mo pregnant, but turns out size only fits 16wks.  Very strange b/c on ultrasound, we couldn't see any fetal parts or bones.  And then when we did the pregnancy test, it was positive!  Also didn't look like "snowy storm" in a molar pregnancy.  So right now, we pretty much have no idea what it is.

There's this guy who came in with distended stomach.  Turns out the whole distension is his liver!  The thing that's sticking out all the way below his umbilical cord...  So sad that we probably can't do much for him. :(

The other day, I saw a patient get their dehiscence explored and sewn together WITHOUT anesthesia.  Without ANY anesthesia.  It was the most painful thing to watch.  And all the while, all she did was make some barely audible squeals and prayers.  The most excrutiating part was probably watching them tighten the sutures so that the two edges of skin would come together.  It was NOT pleasant.  

Crazy/Hectic Day...#2

Well, being in the clinic where I see outpatients is not so bad.  I think the scary ones are the ones that need to be admitted right away, like the patient that died.  Another patient came in today and died shortly after.  I was the first one there, and I called the Dr. to come, but I think it must have taken him at least 30 minutes to come (maybe it was only 5 but felt like 30 because i was the only one there at first, well..with a bunch of nurses).  The guy came in and had no detectable blood pressure and not palpable pulses in his extremities.  He also had some bloody saliva coming out of his mouth, which I think was because he was biting his tongue.  Anyhow, there were so many things I wanted to do but weren't available.  I wanted 2 large bore IV's running, at least 16 gauge, but they only had 18 gauge ones in the hand. I wanted him on oxygen, but there's no O2 tank.  When I got the bag mask, there was a leak from somewhere, so it didn't do anything, and when I found the seal and haphazardly used a glove to seal it up, the bottom turned out to be not-inflatable, so it was impossible to get a good seal, which essentially made it useless.  Considering he had almost no blood pressure and heart beat was extremely faint, I started calling for epinephrine or norepi or hydrocortisone, and the pharmacist said there's none.  What the heck?!! No epinephrine?! How can you not have epinephrine?! Then after another 5 minutes, he finally asks if I'm talking about adrenaline, and I'm staring at him saying, "yes, yes, yes!!"  I didn't remember the dose, was flipping through my book trying to find it, and finally I find something, but later on I realized I think I gave doubled what I was supposed to.  Later, when the second dose was given, the nurse gave it IV, yikes....but not that much happened.  By this time, I had called the expat Dr. that just left, and she said it was probably expired.  At least I could hear and feel his heart beat now.  

Finally found out there were oxygen machines available, and they brought the machine, but it turns out the family had to buy petrol, which took FOREVER.  I had wanted to get a glucose level, but the Dr. had it with him, and when he came, he didn't have his glucometer on him.  When we finally got his level, it only said, "low."  By that time, the Dr. took over, gave him a bolus of glucose and lowered his fluids to prevent fluid overload.  By the time the petrol for the oxygen machine came (it was only a blow-by mask), the patient had already started gasping, and I couldn't heart his heart beating anymore.  The Dr. started CPR, but I don't think it was any use because he was only using his hands (not his shoulders), and the bed itself was springy.  So we took the man down to the ground, and I continued his CPR.  Honestly, by this time, I knew this guy had no chance, but we just continued.  We got the oxygen machine on, but by then, it was too late.  100% oxygen sitting there right next to nose was useless if he wasn't breathing at all!  He got a shot of atropine, and nothing happened.  And that was it.  His brother, who brought him in was so stoic, you wouldn't have thought his oldest brother just passed away. Meanwhile, the women started wailing.  They did his "last service" where they stuff all his orifices with cotton, wrap him up in a lapa, and carried him off.

Immediately afterwards, all I could think about was how I was stupid and probably exposed myself to some terrible disease because I did CPR with a gauze.  I had asked the Dr. for his mask, but he gave me gauze instead.  I should've just used my TB mask instead of that stupid gauze...or not do the breath part since CPR in Segbwema probably has a success rate of 1%.  The Dr. reassured me the patient probably wasn't infectious, but still, I'm afraid I caught something bad.  Biggest fear is TB or some crazy meningitis bug.  Ugh, I hope I didn't learn my lesson too late.  Pray, pray, pray!!!  Okay, biggest thing is to keep myself safe from now on!  Maybe I was being selfish, or maybe I've become hardened already...after less than a week?  I really wanted to intubate him.  Ugh...there is little of anything!!!