Lecture on bacterial vaginosis:
There were a group of scientists who got together to decide whether to call it vaginal bacteriosis or bacterial vaginosis, and the people for the later group won out - they thought it rolled off the tongue better. But now it just sounds like bacteria with a lot of vaginas. (Dr. L)
2nd year:
Professor's embarrassing story about male genitourinary exam: One time he was teaching some students how to do the GU exam, and accidentally pocket dialed a friend. His friend picked up the phone, and all he heard was, "...and now please move your phalynx up..."
Example of what we should say to patient for male genitourinary exam: "Uncover what you need to for us to do what we need to do…" (Dr. G)
What pelvic exam professor said while passing out speculums: "you have to touch them …OOO!"
Me (in desperate voice after not talking all night): "Oh no! oh no! I'm so behind in studying!!!!!!!"
ED: That was very urgent sounding...like you had to poop or something.
1st year
After renal professor pulled his pants off: "The AV guys are thinking OMG! - he just pulled his pants off!"
Prof 1: "What?! You mean like the full monty?!!
Prof 2: "No, no, I have shorts underneath"
Pulmonary lecture:
"The average American isn't sedentary; the average American is stationary."
Friend's status:
"My mom: Sweetie, I'm getting very worried about you.
Me: Why??
My mom: Why don't you have a boyfriend? I don't care what you do in med school, take 6 or 7 years if you need but please go to more parties and find a guy!"
Prof: At what level do axons carrying these sensibilities (fine touch and pain/temp) cross to the opposite side?
XW: Oh....Oh crap!
Prof: No, that's lower.
YW: "What drives vergence?" - referring to convergence of eyes
GA: "Not having sex?"
"Ahhh, I love how the sun is warming up my butt" - MW referring to the first sign of spring in 40 degree weather
"Nasal Rape" - BK's take on getting swabbed in the nose for H1N1
Regarding telling secrets:
Me: "You're not leaky are you?"
MW: "No. I'm a tight junction!"
Renal exam questions:
"Your life is a mess. Your significant other has called you a loser and broken off the engagement. Your dog poops in your shoes and your cat urinates on your bed pillow. However, always the optimist, and inspired by our new president, you are hoping for a change. You decide to start dating again. Based on your past failures you have decided to utilize a new, innovative strategy. For some unknown reason you decide to pick your next partner based on their renal function. After weeks of meaningless, encounters and several restraining orders against you, you have found a potential partner. The prospective partner agrees to a complete blood work up...What is the prognosis?"
"Rob Bilkinson (name changed to protect his identity) decides to “run” in a marathon race. Immediately before the race Rob carbohydrate loads his body by eating 1 pound of his favorite food, Vinegar & Salt potato chips. One pound of potato chips contains 100 mmoles of NaCl. After one hour of “running” approximately 0.5 miles, Rob collapses in exhaustion. His official Richard Simmons™ jumpsuit is covered in 2 liters of sweat (Assume Rob’s sweat consists of only water). Immediately, Rob is transported to the hospital. Assume that Rob weighs 200 kg (440 lbs), that his plasma osmolarity was initially 290 mosmol/liter, and that Rob’s total body water is 60% of his body weight (gross over estimate)."
“Uh..It's not really trauma, but it's traumatic? Uh... roller coaster rides?” -Me, regarding trauma that cause vomiting
"Oh ya, i've been poked a lot. and i've poked other ppl a lot." -Me, regarding glucose tests
Renal: "What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?" Isak Dinesen, Seven Gothic Tales
HK talking to AL (both guys): "You must have really big lactiferous glands!"
There were a group of scientists who got together to decide whether to call it vaginal bacteriosis or bacterial vaginosis, and the people for the later group won out - they thought it rolled off the tongue better. But now it just sounds like bacteria with a lot of vaginas. (Dr. L)
2nd year:
Professor's embarrassing story about male genitourinary exam: One time he was teaching some students how to do the GU exam, and accidentally pocket dialed a friend. His friend picked up the phone, and all he heard was, "...and now please move your phalynx up..."
Example of what we should say to patient for male genitourinary exam: "Uncover what you need to for us to do what we need to do…" (Dr. G)
What pelvic exam professor said while passing out speculums: "you have to touch them …OOO!"
"I know many of you have undesierable lipids [levels]. you may be careful of what you eat, but the best thing to do is to choose your parents carefully" (Dr. S)
Me (in desperate voice after not talking all night): "Oh no! oh no! I'm so behind in studying!!!!!!!"
ED: That was very urgent sounding...like you had to poop or something.
1st year
After renal professor pulled his pants off: "The AV guys are thinking OMG! - he just pulled his pants off!"
Prof 1: "What?! You mean like the full monty?!!
Prof 2: "No, no, I have shorts underneath"
Pulmonary lecture:
"The average American isn't sedentary; the average American is stationary."
Friend's status:
"My mom: Sweetie, I'm getting very worried about you.
Me: Why??
My mom: Why don't you have a boyfriend? I don't care what you do in med school, take 6 or 7 years if you need but please go to more parties and find a guy!"
Prof: At what level do axons carrying these sensibilities (fine touch and pain/temp) cross to the opposite side?
XW: Oh....Oh crap!
Prof: No, that's lower.
YW: "What drives vergence?" - referring to convergence of eyes
GA: "Not having sex?"
"Ahhh, I love how the sun is warming up my butt" - MW referring to the first sign of spring in 40 degree weather
"Nasal Rape" - BK's take on getting swabbed in the nose for H1N1
Regarding telling secrets:
Me: "You're not leaky are you?"
MW: "No. I'm a tight junction!"
Renal exam questions:
"Your life is a mess. Your significant other has called you a loser and broken off the engagement. Your dog poops in your shoes and your cat urinates on your bed pillow. However, always the optimist, and inspired by our new president, you are hoping for a change. You decide to start dating again. Based on your past failures you have decided to utilize a new, innovative strategy. For some unknown reason you decide to pick your next partner based on their renal function. After weeks of meaningless, encounters and several restraining orders against you, you have found a potential partner. The prospective partner agrees to a complete blood work up...What is the prognosis?"
"Rob Bilkinson (name changed to protect his identity) decides to “run” in a marathon race. Immediately before the race Rob carbohydrate loads his body by eating 1 pound of his favorite food, Vinegar & Salt potato chips. One pound of potato chips contains 100 mmoles of NaCl. After one hour of “running” approximately 0.5 miles, Rob collapses in exhaustion. His official Richard Simmons™ jumpsuit is covered in 2 liters of sweat (Assume Rob’s sweat consists of only water). Immediately, Rob is transported to the hospital. Assume that Rob weighs 200 kg (440 lbs), that his plasma osmolarity was initially 290 mosmol/liter, and that Rob’s total body water is 60% of his body weight (gross over estimate)."
“Uh..It's not really trauma, but it's traumatic? Uh... roller coaster rides?” -Me, regarding trauma that cause vomiting
"Oh ya, i've been poked a lot. and i've poked other ppl a lot." -Me, regarding glucose tests
Renal: "What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?" Isak Dinesen, Seven Gothic Tales
HK talking to AL (both guys): "You must have really big lactiferous glands!"
(Actually referring to AL's staring contest ability, but mistook lactiferous glands for lacrimal glands)
Physiology: "You'll stop speaking English. It'll be medspeak."
"You'll replace your aunt's phone number with Mrs. Jone's blood gas numbers." - Dr. Brody
Phase 1: Collect Underpants
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Profit!
Urology lecture on Viagra: Some people might think having an erection for 4 hours is great. But it's kind of like having a charley horse...but on your penis.
Nurse: I won't let certain doctors touch me, and there are certain doctors I won't let within 5 ft of my plants.
If a man says something while in a forest, with no women around, is he still wrong? If a heart tells you its job is to keep pressurized blood in the arteries, but the arteries keep leaking it away into the veins, so it has to keep pumping, could this be right?
Maybe I'll remember to add on to this...
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